How can we make sure that doing retreat will be of benefit to others rather than turning into an escape?
That really depends on your motivation. If your motivation is to transform yourself and then help others, give a positive influence to your friends, family, society, world, etc., if you have that kind of motivation, retreat is really meaningful. If you really want to transform the world, first you need to transform yourself. Without transforming yourself, you cannot transform the world.
When we look at the history of the world, the dictators did not want to transform themselves, they wanted to transform the world, they wanted to change the world, they wanted to change other, therefore, there have been wars in the past. They wanted to control everything.
The first time I went abroad, before the plane took off, I saw a short presentation, and they said that before you have put the oxygen mask on yourself do not help others. First, help yourself, put on your oxygen mask, and then help others. “Why is that?” I thought. “Why is this important?” So, I asked some other people, and they said, “If you try to put on the oxygen mask on others first, who knows, you might neither help yourself nor others? Because you might run out of breath before having helped others. So, in the end, both lose. First, you help yourself, and then you have the energy to help others.” I thought this was a really good example.
If we really want to have a deeper effect on the world, then we really need to try to transform deep within ourselves. If you transform, you may influence, let us say, two people. First one person, then two persons. If you transform one or two people, that can help another one or two people. That one or two people can help others, so in the end, we can transform the world. Why? Because we are all part of ripples. In the beginning, the ripples are tiny, not big, but then, as the wave goes, it becomes bigger and bigger and bigger. With anything unique, anything special, the influence becomes very big.
The first time I went to America, they used American slang. In America, many people were using this slang, but in Canada, no one knew about this slang. Six months later, I went to Canada again and everybody was using this slang! Then I asked them, “Where did you get this slang from?” It was not on television, it was not on the news, it was not on some particular advertisement. They said it was, “the word of mouth.” Because it was unique and something special it spread out a lot. If you really transform yourself, if you yourself becomes unique and genuine, that becomes very powerful and it will benefit others.
In Tibet, we say, “Between saying a hundred things and doing one, doing one is more powerful than saying a hundred things.” The meaning is that if you tell everyone, “You should do this, you should do that…” but you yourself do the opposite, you do not do what you say, then whatever you say do not have any value. It will not really benefit others. But if you really do it. If you are embodying whatever you are saying, then even if you say just one word, the influence becomes very strong and will benefit others. Therefore, retreat is not an escape. Actually, if you know, retreat is very important, valuable, and it is really the way to benefit others
For example, Milarepa — the great Tibetan saint. He is similar to a saint, like a great Indian mahasiddha. For me, Milarepa is my hero. When I was young, my mom, me, and my grandma all got together around the fire and we drank soup. After finishing the soup, my mom read books about the life of Milarepa. My grandma liked the Tibetan folktales, and I liked Milarepa, so sometimes we argued a little bit. My mom sometimes read the folktales and stories, and sometimes she read the Milarepa’s life story. In the life story of Milarepa, Milarepa finished doing a retreat for many years, and after many years Milarepa had great realization. Then Milarepa thought, “OK. Now, this is the time for me to teach. I should build a monastery, or I should build a meditation community.” something like that. Then Milarepa had a vision of his teacher, who said, “Do not make a monastery. Do not make a particular institution of meditation. Do continuous retreat. Doing retreat, is one of the best ways to benefit future beings in Tibet.”
The life story of Milarepa has been the biggest inspiration in Tibet, also for me. All Tibetan masters and many lay people — boys, girls, men, women — everybody is inspired by Milarepa’s love, kindness, compassion, diligence, and insight. Therefore, doing retreat is a very precious and valuable thing to do in the world. You have to recognize this. You have to appreciate that. Then it will really become meaningful to you, and meaningful to others.