Normal thinking/imagination is often unconscious. In ngondro we maintain bare awareness of intentionally contemplating/visualizing
If It Feels Performative / Put-on
Try letting it be as it is; acknowledge your felt experience: “I’m deliberately placing my mind on something positive, while being completely honest about what is and isn’t present”
Reflect on learning an instrument:
Initially you consciously make the movements, it often feels artificial/unnatural; however you’re cultivating conditions in which an authentic response can eventually arise
Eventually it feels reflexive
Notice: Who is trying to perform this correctly?
If It Feels Fuzzy
Let it be simple: a vague/unstable image/contemplation is just fine
Example: try to imagine your childhood home
You might not literally see a perfect complete picture. The details may be fuzzy or made up. Yet you can have an immediate, meaningful sense/feeling of the house.